


The Jessica Rabbit Cascade Effect

by BlackEyedGirl



Category: The Middleman (TV)
Genre: Masturbation, Other, Porn Battle, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-26
Updated: 2010-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-06 17:12:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackEyedGirl/pseuds/BlackEyedGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler's away for two weeks, the aliens just gave them sex-toys as a 'thanks for saving us' reward. What's a girl to do? PWP.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Jessica Rabbit Cascade Effect

There were a number of things a girl could do with herself when her boyfriend had been abducted by his boss in a giant helicopter and was now administering an aid programme in Uganda. And had been gone for two weeks, including their anniversary. And apparently was out of range of calls even with his scary corporate cellphone and her Middle-tech. She could get mad. She could steal the Middle-Jet and go down there and swoop him up and away from all this. There's always the possibility of an alternate-Tyler who doesn't have an awesome philanthropic job-of-a-lifetime. Wendy sighs. Maybe not.

She, after all, doesn't want him hopping universes looking for a Wendy without a job. She likes her job.

Right now, she's enjoying the part where her boss has turned a really interesting shade of magenta. She loves finding caches of alien tech, they're always fun for him to try and explain. This one, for example, is looking really very much like an alien sex-toy Tupperware party. In a spaceship. Of course, now they've rescued the poor Loth-er who crashed, and have been given the ship's contents as a reward. Boss did _try_ to refuse. Poor Boss.

"Well, Dubbie, it's an… an erotic pleasure device, designed specifically for the… female anatomy which, when activated-."

Ida cuts him off. "It's a vibrator. And don't play dumb with me, missy, I've seen what you do with yourself on your nights off."

"Ida!" Boss is horrified.

Ida doesn't care. "Please. Like I want to watch her fumbling attempts? It all got much more interesting when the boy arrived. Which is to say marginally more interesting than closing the Interrodroid into a room and watching it hit its head on the wall repeatedly trying to get out."

"Ida!" Wendy is sort of horrified this time. Maybe it's not just their carelessness that leads to the little guys losing their heads so often. She looks at the device again. "So, does it work?"

"Dubbie!"

"You really need to stop squeaking. I'm just wondering. You know, in an intellectual curiosity kind of way. Is there a massive physiological difference between us and the Loth-er females?"

"Well… no. Not precisely. It doesn't really work that way – there's a system of- Darn it all, Dubbie, I'm not going to go into details. You're practically-."

"The little sister you never had, I know. I'll stop. You can take your hands off your ears now. And open your eyes, I've put it down."

She picks it back up on the way home. It's not the _best_ solution she could have come up with. Stealing alien tech so rarely is. But it's got to be more fun than the alternatives. And, God, but she needs this. It's cruel, really, to give a girl such great sex for months, after what was way longer a drought than she's comfortable counting, and then fly off. Who does that?

Lacey's not there when Wendy gets home. It's late – she goes straight to bedroom and calls a code eighty-six. Frankly she doubts Ida will follow it, but she can always hope. Wendy tosses her shirt and pants across the room. Underwear is pink cotton, a little faded, because she wasn't expecting anything to happen today. Just goes to show.

Music, candles – she nearly burns herself lighting the candles, in too much of a hurry to just get going already.

Wendy lies on the bed with the tech. After a moment, she turns the light back on to have a better look. Okay, so that bit is clearly the… Okay. Earth versions of this normally have no more than two… poking… bits. Maybe three at a pinch. This has those, plus a lot of wirey parts on string. Cable? Tendrils? She is not ready for tentacle porn. She starts with what she knows. Alien-vibrator shaped part made of alien polymer type thing slick with not-alien strawberry lubricant goes… okay, there. Clearly there. No on button but it knows what she wants which will be troubling tomorrow but right now is just perfect.

She lies back again. The tendril-y parts are glowing, mostly in varieties of pink and green. Experimentally, she grabs hold of one. It turns darker red. In the spirit of inquiry, Wendy touches it very tentatively to the rise of her breast. It flushes a paler pink and slips to green. Go? She slides it up gently, until it's humming a very warm power-on green, and clinging against her darkening nipple. It's not doing anything else though.

There are other pieces. It's like a weird version of Operation with herself as the body and she's _trying_ to get it to hit something vital. The last piece takes some doing. She has one on each breast, one at her navel and one apiece on those spots on the inside of her thighs that make her squirm. She pictures Tyler, and the way he kisses her in the morning – collarbone. When it settles, everything is glowing and there's one moment where she's thinking 'I look like one of the about-to-be-dead guys in Alien' and the next is…

"Oh, great stars of good vibrations!"

It's like she is – in a completely non-creepy non-narcissistic way – hovering over her own body, pushing all of the buttons she can never quite get one of these things to push right. Not all at once – rookie mistake – but in sequence, concert, one at a time and then in a run of increasing pressure. So that it's not too much – doesn't ache – just builds up and up until there's fluttering singing everywhere and hokey metaphor as it is: she's flying.

She has no sense of time right now but it can't be so very long because the candle is still lit when orgasm number two sends her reeling once more. Then she falls, feather soft, onto the bed again. The lights of the thing turn off and she breathes deeply. Okay, ice cream break, and then she's totally trying that again. For science.

*

Tyler calls the next morning to say he'll be back by eight and to warm up the Romero for him. God but she loves him.

Wendy deposits the tech back in HQ, safe in a zip-locked bag. "It's sterile, Ida. And I know you're going to sterilise it again so why don't you just take it away and stop glowering at me?"

Boss walks up behind her. "Dubbie. You know the rules about using alien technology in non-mission related activities." He's blushing.

She grins at him. "I do. But you know what? Totally worth it."


End file.
